AbhiAsh didn't quite help Liz Hurley

Poor Liz Hurley. Surely it was stupid to get married the same year as Bollywood's hottest couple. Miffed pop-in-law notwithstanding, Hurley and hubby Arun didn't quite stand a chance against the AbhiAsh juggernaut. Coz the wedding of Abhishek Bachchan and Aishwarya Rai generated enough buzz to keep the paparazzi busy and relegate Hurley's Jodhpur nuptials to the archives.

There is no dearth of drama when someone from Bollywood ties the knot and the AbhiAsh marriage was no exception. A woman by the name of Jahnvi Kapoor staged a suicide drama in front of the Bachchan residence, claiming that the Junior B had ditched her after having what she termed "physical relation". God alone knows what the truth is but it certainly appears as if Jahnvi is suffering from delusions.

That's not all, an Abhishek lookalike fooled star-struck security guards and walked right up to Aishwarya's eight-floor flat to convey his good wishes. He was caught else who knows - Aishwarya might just have married the wrong guy.

The media lapped up the controversy, even enjoying their share of the limelight when a couple of snap-happy photographers were thrashed by securitymen for coming in the way of a car ferrying the Bachchans. Senior Bachchan apologised the next day, giving the media another opportunity to play up the incident.

I bet Hurley's wishing she had harnessed media attention better. All you need is a divorce, Liz and another stint at Jodhpur so that you can learn from your mistakes.

Beauty and the Beast

As a child I used to believe that only the good-looking were nice people. The others were shrewd and existed on earth only to exploit you.

I thought it was God's way of helping man realise which of his peers could be trusted. And the formula was often put to the test.

Juggy, who had a particularly striking mole on his nose, was the one who bullied me the most. Prahlad, who was cute in a television commercial kind of way, helped me with my homework. And Ehsaas, who fell midway in the looks department, didn't bother me too much.

Then one day, I read Oscar Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray. This dude, who could easily have won a modern day personality contest, turned out to be such a horrible person.

Things changed after that.

I viewed all beauty queens with suspicion. Surely Aishwarya Rai had a painting hidden somewhere in her house which portrayed her as a hideous leper. Surely Sushmita Sen had bonded with the devil to keep her looks intact.

Years later, I still have no concrete idea how to gauge people. Sometimes I rely on the eyes to judge character. If kindness doesn't seep through the eyes or words, I usually wait for the inevitable moment when their actions harm me. Not a fool-proof test but it usually proves me right.

Beauty and Beast are now viewed with equal suspicion. Flawless cheekbones and scarred forehead are treated alike. Till they pass the kindness-in-eyes test and I begin to trust them. What do you think?

How can you gauge a person's character?
	Appearances can be deceptive
	Eyes are windows to the soul
	You can't trust anyone
	Philosophical crap
	By spending a year with them
pollcode.com free polls

One Truth One Resolution

I no longer fit into my size 32 trousers

I will no longer have Hot Chocolate Fudge sundae

But how?

Willpower, Toe Knee. Willpower.

April 2007 Blog Mela

8 by 52 gets stuck in a lift and gives readers a dose of Ranchi memories

Sachiniti reveals the truth about Mumbai beggars owning duplexes

Bikkupedia takes a trip down to India's Cape of Good Hope

Suchitra Krishnamoorthi is trying to find out if being stupid is the same as being a fool

Sassy Satan is wondering if she should have been a seller of indulgences

Kiruba gets a whole new set of blogcards printed

Alaphia Zoyab dissects Karunanidhi's letter to our convalescing External Affairs Minister

Falstaff goes all Emily Dickinson when he loves a certain blogger

Siva Rajendran doesn't have good things to say about Customer Help Desks

Rahul Khanna makes a statement for elephants in captivity

India Uncut gets caught in the web Sona Mohapatra spins

AB is wondering why the dudes she goes out with turn out to be such louses

Rashmi Bansal finds visiting a dentist an experience more dark than scary

Presstalk argues that the common Indian journo has misplaced his ethics

Nureen Faiza was at her wits' end during her dad's operation

M went to Morocco

Black Muddy River takes a break from cricket and checks out Barbados in a submarine

Shaarique debates whether marriage should be a matter of personal choice

Known Turf is a bit upset that she called another woman a slut

Anand Ramachandran sings the ballad of Indian batsmen

The Cyprus-based Rajaram S is all praise for home sweet home during his return to Chennai

Ten years ago, Anil P went in search of the Hale-Bopp comet

And as for me, I am still thankful to Laurie Baker for helping me win a quiz ages ago

ALSO VISIT
March 2007 Blog Mela

Wanna get featured in next month's Blog Mela? Visit this blog in the first week of May for nomination guidelines

Of Richard Gere, Shilpa Shetty and the Kiss that wagged a thousand lips

The mere mention of Richard Gere makes most women go weak in the knees. Some would give an arm and a leg to touch the Pretty Woman star and many, I am sure, would have stooped at nothing to be in Shilpa Shetty's shoes at that magical moment on Sunday evening when Gere gathered the Celebrity Big Brother winner in his arms and smothered her with kisses.

Shilpa didn't look too upset either - grinning from ear to ear when Gere finally released her from his embrace. The storm in a teacup became a whirlpool a few hours later when Gere was accused of hurting Indian sensibilities and protesters (many of them probably upset they can never dream of getting a chance to lay lips on Shilpa) busy burning effigies as self-appointed custodians of Indian culture.

But as everybody knows, there's no such thing as bad publicity. Toe Knee Unplugged takes a tongue-in-cheek look at what may happen in the near future -

Gere lawyer: Your honour, my client Richard Gere claims monetary damages from accused Shilpa Shetty
Shilpa lawyer: And may I ask why?
Gere lawyer: Well, while Gere's career has gone down the drain, the kiss controversy has given Shilpa's waning Big Brother fame a new lease of life
Shilpa lawyer: I object, Your Honour. Gere's recent films were duds in any case - Shilpa or no Shilpa.
Gere lawyer: Ok, I grant you that but didn't the episode bring Shilpa suddenly into the public eye and get her ads, films and charity show invites
Shilpa lawyer: And wasn't Shilpa's modesty - unruffled when Jade Goody called her a lot of @$#*%! names - outraged when Gere shifted gears a bit too fast
Gere lawyer: Many woman would pay to have Gere do stuff to them
Shilpa lawyer: Shilpa already had Dirk (Benedict). She doesn't need Gere to spice things up
Judge: Stop it, I pronounce both Gere and Shilpa guilty of making fools of themselves in public. Gere sentenced to three years of doing inane Bollywood films and an additional year for each kiss he steals from his leading ladies. Shilpa hereby banished to Hollywood for special classes in wardrobe malfunction (the Janet Jackson academy), being rich and crazy (the Paris Hilton school) and bald and beautiful (the Britney Spears institution)
Protester: But what of the truck drivers who witnessed the kisses? What of the mental trauma they had to undergo?
Judge: In addition, both Gere and Shilpa have to personally adopt each potential AIDS victim left unnoticed in the kissing brouhaha
Protester: Who cares about getting adopted? Each person present at the Sunday gathering (including me) should get a chance to kiss Shilpa, only then can justice be served
Spectators: Hear! Hear!

Update: A Jaipur court has ordered Gere's arrest saying his act of kissing Shilpa was an obscene act committed in public. Read more here

ALSO ON THIS BLOG
Exclusive coverage of Shilpa Shetty on Big Brother

And in case you are wondering what happened to the April Blog Mela, wait with bated breath for the next 24 hours.

Why u hate the Gere kissing Shilpa thingy?
	Am jealous of Richard Gere
	Am jealous of Shilpa Shetty
	Hate it? I loved it
	Coz it was a planned publicity stunt
	Who cares?
	Gere kissed Shilpa???
pollcode.com free polls

April Blog Mela deadline looms: Vote now

If you haven't yet nominated your favourite blog post for the April 2007 Blog Mela, Vote Now by posting a comment or mailing me at toeknee (at) gmail (dot) com

Details here

If you don't know how a blog mela works, visit the March 2007 Blog Mela

CNN-IBN bigger culprit than Narayana Murthy

Am surprised to see CNN-IBN television's coverage of Infosys founder Narayana Murthy apparently insulting the National Anthem. After all, the television channel insults the anthem every single day when it airs the CNN-IBN ad featuring Rajdeep Sardesai with Jana Gana Mana playing in the background.

Several people change the channel or put off their television sets each time the ad is aired. What do you think?

The CNN-IBN ad using the national anthem is -
	Offensive
	Okay
	Who cares?
	Can't say
pollcode.com free polls

Wanna be India's next president?

President A P J Abdul Kalam's term is getting over in July and he's not keen on a second stint. Who will succeed him?

The good news is if you are an Indian citizen and over 35, you could be a potential candidate. Of course, convincing the electoral college would be the tough part. But there's no harm in speculating.

There may be a few names doing the rounds but here's a tongue-in-cheek look at some candidates who I think will serve India well.

Vir Sanghvi
Suave talker and acclaimed journalist. Would play the perfect host to international dignitaries. They would provide enough fodder for Vir's popular columns in the Indian media. But bad news for the chefs at Rashtrapati Bhawan. Coz Vir would probably insist on doing his own cooking. Zucchinis and white wine, anyone?

Kiran Bedi
India hasn't had a woman president yet and Bedi as the trailblazing cop would set a good precedent. This Magsaysay Award winner isn't afraid to speak her mind and woe betide George Bush if he as much as utters 'weapons of mass destruction' during a state dinner. One problem though, will she be called Rashtrapatni?

Lalu Prasad Yadav
Our Railways Minister is no novice at political manipulations and could weasel his way into Raisina Hill. His annual Holi bash would be a cornucopia of colours with ambassadors (and Bush) honoured with seven-course bhang meals. Of course, parking would be a problem with all of Lalu's cows tethered on the grounds. Bonus: Lots of free cow dung to run the palace kitchen.

Mallika Sherawat
This Bollywood siren could make a beeline for the Rashtrapati Bhawan only in 2012 coz she's short of the age criterion by a few years. Wish that could be solved by fudging her birth certificate. Just imagine all the presidents and heads-of-state rushing to India for an audience with the bombshell. Bet Mallika would be busy signing bilateral agreements all day.

My driver '...inder'
This Sardarji dude has an opinion on everything under the sun. Ask me, I've been a silent sufferer for eight months. Bet he's already thought of a few changes he would implement once he's president. India's national animal - Tandoori chicken. And you won't need so many drivers for the Republic Day Parade. Coz gear-happy ...inder would be pleased to volunteer.

Who should be India's next president?
	Vir Sanghvi
	Kiran Bedi
	Lalu Prasad Yadav
	Mallika Sherawat
	Toe Knee's driver ...inder
	Someone else
pollcode.com free polls

Well, this is my nomination list. If you think any of these shouldn't be India's next president, it's your duty as a true patriot to bring it to my notice asap.

This made me laugh. For 5 minutes

Nice ad for a German job-hunting website
(Link via BoingBoing)