Saturday, April 19, 2008

The sound of footsteps

Clack! Clack! went the stairs as a hundred kilos of dead weight passed over them.

Motu, the topmost stair, grimaced in pain.

"I hate that fat man pounding over me like that. I have not stopped shaking yet. I hate, I really hate all human beings."

Patlu, the stair next to him, snorted.

"Stop it, Motu! Where would we be without them. It was Man who made us into what we are, otherwise we would have been mere blocks of cement. So what if we have to suffer a bit in return. Don't we also enjoy ourselves, looking at the various people who pass over us, day after day and listening to the sound of their footsteps."

Lambu, the third stair, piped in between, "Yes, Motu, don't you like Micky? The kid who lives upstairs on the second floor. His tiny footsteps tickle me in every corner possible. I just wait for him to come back from school and run up, screaming and shouting to his mother. The sound of his footsteps is simply divine."

"I prefer the footsteps of the Kathak teacher who comes by every week. His anklets make a melodious tinkling sound and he always lingers on me a while. I think he likes me a lot. He almost always makes me an offering of red tilak and what not," said Motu.

"You see, I like Indian Classical Music very much. I'll be really honored if Zakir Hussain climbs on me. His footprints will be a prized autograph indeed."

Patlu chimed in, "Motu, the Kathak teacher tarries a while while standing on you, for a very simple reason and not because he likes you. It is because you are so fat and comfy. And if you think that spitting a chewed betel nut paan on to you is an offering, then God alone can save you."

Lambu intervened, "It is impossible for any of our brethren to envy Motu, for he is always the receptacle of some rubbish or the other."

After a bout of frenzied laughter, Patlu said, "Personally, I like the sound of Sushil's footsteps. That's because I love Western Music. Do you know him, Lambu? The college student who lives on the third floor. He tap dances on us whenever he gets the time and his walkman is always churning out the latest chartbusters. The sound of his footsteps cannot be described in mere words. I feel ... I dream that I am dancing to the tune of 'Chal Chaiyyan Chaiyyan' at Elevate with Malaika Arora in my cemented arms."

The others shared Patlu's dreams. The only difference being Motu visualised Yamini Krishnamurthy in his arms swaying to the tune of 'Jhanak Jhanak Payal Baaje' while Lambu preferred Maneka Gandhi swaying with him in Corbett Tiger Reserve.

After a minute of dignified silence as they dreamt, Lambu said, "I also like Rambo, the cat and Cadbury, the dog. Their soft pitter-patter makes me feel so good, so peaceful. Especially, when Cadbury sniffs at the piece of biscuit lying on my middle. Yes, the sound of their footsteps is certainly angelic."

At this point, the fat man returned and thundered down Motu, Patlu and Lambu in that order. All three clutched their middle and groaned aloud in a cacophony.

"I HATE this BIG FAT mannnn.........."

[This post, written for an on-the-spot-creative-writing contest in college, was first published on my now defunct Sulekha blog on April 7, 2004)

Sania Mirza to play tennis on Mars

NEW DELHI (T2N2) Indian tennis star Sania Mirza will play an exhibition tennis match on the planet Mars in December in what is being seen as yet another attempt to attract space tourists to the Red planet.

To read more click here

Grand Slam dreams for Yuki Bhambri

Teenage prodigy Yuki Bhambri, considered by many to be India's next tennis great, is eyeing a junior Grand Slam title this year.

The 15-year-old's dream run in the 2008 Australian Open Boys' Singles in January ended in the semifinals, where he lost in three sets to eventual champion Bernard Tomic of Australia.

But his exploits at Melbourne Park gave Bhambri the impetus he needed, with another semifinal showing at the Asian Junior championship last week helping him rise to number 5 in the ITF Junior rankings.

"Reaching the semifinal at the Australian Open does give me a lot of confidence going into the next three Grand Slams this season," Bhambri told the Indian Tennis Blog.

Last week, American Ryan Harrison became the third player since 1990 to win a ATP main draw match before the age of 16 and Bhambri said he would have liked to join that group. But time is running out.

"I'm not sure if I will be able to participate in an ATP tournament before my birthday in July this year as my schedule is extremely busy," he said.

Currently at a career-best ranking of 1205 in the men's singles, the Delhi lad's quarterfinal run at the Chandigarh Futures event this month surprised many. Bhambri said he hoped to dominate the Indian circuit next year although juniors would continue to be a priority till the end of 2008.

But first he has to conquer a tough opponent -- his class X Board exams.

Once his exams get over this week, Bhambri is set for some junior Davis Cup action and the Delhi Challenger before heading to Europe for claycourt events in the run-up to the French Open.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

My Googleganger's not so nice

I got curious and googled myself -- and found a fugitive on the loose with my name.

I can't believe my googleganger is someone wanted by Interpol. Will I find the police knocking on my door? Aaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!

Saturday, April 12, 2008

No urinals on Indian streets? No problem


Could save Indian cities a lot of money on urinals and keep the walls stink-free too. Don't know about the road though.
(Link via Reddit)

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

March 2008 Blog Mela

People ask me why the same names keep popping up in the monthly Blog Mela. Well, I don't know these people personally and it's not like I am doing them a favour by listing their names here. They just happen to write interesting stuff month after month after month.

It's been a year since this Blog Mela started and if your blog found a place in this list more than three times, you are surely doing a good job. Keep it up.

To be honest, there might be better blog posts hidden somewhere in this vast Internet labyrinth but it's like looking for a needle in a haystack - if you see something better out there, let me know. Until then, enjoy these posts.

Twisted DNA conducts a session on restroom etiquette

Banno gives a few tips on surviving film festivals

The Compulsive Confessor turns into a dude

Krish Ashok proposes shorter versions of Jodhaa-Akbar

Falstaff complains of concert mis-conduct

Ideasmith gets some birthday lessons

Domain Maximus attends a birthday party

Jamshed V. Rajan gives his daughter a bath

Jabberwock lists some research findings we could use

The Great Bong starts off with a crush on Shah Rukh's 6-pack abs

That's all for now. The April 2008 Blog Mela returns early next month. But before leaving, do please vote for the best post in the March 2008 Blog Mela.
The best of March 2008 Blog Mela
Twisted DNA
Banno
The Compulsive Confessor
Krish Ashok
Falstaff
Ideasmith
Domain Maximus
Jamshed V. Rajan
Jabberwock
The Great Bong
None of them were that good
  
pollcode.com free polls
Check out previous Blog Melas
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008

Did you just come across a quirky, interesting or something-that-tugs-at-your-heartstrings blog? If yes, feel free to nominate it for the April Blog Mela being hosted here on May 2

Blog Mela Rules
- Posts must have been written by Indians or have an Indian angle
- Only posts published between 1-30 April, 2008 would be accepted
- If possible, please nominate individual posts, not the whole blog
- Feel free to nominate something you have written. Immodesty appreciated
- You can nominate as many blog posts as you like - provided you really like them
- Only nominations received before midnight on May 1 stand a chance to be featured on the Top 10 list
- No, you don't get any moolah for nominating or getting featured in the Blog Mela. That could change once I am a millionaire but for now you'll just have to bear with me
- Yours truly reserves the right to nominate good posts which you ignore

How to Nominate
- Leave a comment on this post OR better still - Mail me at toeknee (at) gmail (dot) com

Indian stray dogs world's sexiest: Report

NEW DELHI (T2N2) Indian stray dogs are set to give desi men a complex.

A study released today by an international dog-lovers club 'We Love Animals' has rated them the world's sexiest.

The lowly mongrel beat dogs from around the world, including pedigreed dogs from India, when it came to "prowess in bed," the report said.

To read more, click here

(This post was first published on the Crazy Journo blog on June 27, 2005)

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

A day in the life of an MTV Roadie

Wake up. Fight for the loo. Bitch a little

Indulge in 'My dad owns a Mercedes' and yours is a 'low-class sabziwala' chat

If you are from Delhi, flaunt your Stephenian background. If you are from anywhere else, gang up against elitist Delhites.

Ensure your place in the limelight by mouthing the F-word or local Gen-X adaptations every two minutes.

(Who cares if your parents have called everyone in their neighbourhood to watch their beloved child make his/her TV debut)

When allotted a task, ensure you get the easy part but make sure it seems like you did all the hard work

If asked to play tennis and you don't win a point, assume indifference or say 'The ball was too fast'

Have fun driving bikes across India. Once in a while, cause an accident and get injured. If you are smart, you get sympathy. If you are not, you get all the flak

Assume expression of disgust when asked to shit in a ditch as part of once-in-a-while tough Roadie antics.

At impromptu quizzes, don't be ashamed if you answered 'Sushma' when asked to name India's president

Be prepared to play strip-poker. Just ensure you wear enough articles of clothing to last you 20 rounds

Rat out your teammates' secrets - Girl4 enhances her bust with pads, Boy2 referred to Girl5 as a prostitute.

If not privy to secrets, invent some.

If you don't have reasons to hate someone, invent some more - "Girl3 is too manly and flat-chested, I can't be friends with her".

At vote-outs, betray your 'friends' to ensure you remain in the race. When confronted, repeat with straight face - 'It's all part of the game'.

SOME TIPS
If you are a boy, flirt with Girl1 to make Girl2 jealous

If you are a girl, flirt with Boy1, Boy2 and Boy3 but act as if you can't stand Boy4

If you are smart, flirt with no one, be a brother/sister to each individual and bitch about each one in their absence

If you are dumb, be yourself. More brownie points if you are a nice person. You will be voted off the show first

(Ignore this post if you are not an MTV Roadies fan. Others, tune in to MTV to catch the latest or check out the official site)

The best of April Fools' Day

No, I am not going to write some crazy story with a weird headline, get you engrossed and then spell out April Fool. I am taking the easy way out and giving you the links to some of the best April Fools' Day stories in the media.

  • Snacking Mugabe, flying penguins greet April Fools


  • Google does April Fools': 'Custom time' and a Mars trip


  • April Fool's: Best celebrity pranks


  • Top 10 April Fool's Day links


  • April Fool's Day, Russian style


  • All the news fit to print ... for fools
  • Popular Posts