Of Richard Gere, Shilpa Shetty and the Kiss that wagged a thousand lips

The mere mention of Richard Gere makes most women go weak in the knees. Some would give an arm and a leg to touch the Pretty Woman star and many, I am sure, would have stooped at nothing to be in Shilpa Shetty's shoes at that magical moment on Sunday evening when Gere gathered the Celebrity Big Brother winner in his arms and smothered her with kisses.

Shilpa didn't look too upset either - grinning from ear to ear when Gere finally released her from his embrace. The storm in a teacup became a whirlpool a few hours later when Gere was accused of hurting Indian sensibilities and protesters (many of them probably upset they can never dream of getting a chance to lay lips on Shilpa) busy burning effigies as self-appointed custodians of Indian culture.

But as everybody knows, there's no such thing as bad publicity. Toe Knee Unplugged takes a tongue-in-cheek look at what may happen in the near future -

Gere lawyer: Your honour, my client Richard Gere claims monetary damages from accused Shilpa Shetty
Shilpa lawyer: And may I ask why?
Gere lawyer: Well, while Gere's career has gone down the drain, the kiss controversy has given Shilpa's waning Big Brother fame a new lease of life
Shilpa lawyer: I object, Your Honour. Gere's recent films were duds in any case - Shilpa or no Shilpa.
Gere lawyer: Ok, I grant you that but didn't the episode bring Shilpa suddenly into the public eye and get her ads, films and charity show invites
Shilpa lawyer: And wasn't Shilpa's modesty - unruffled when Jade Goody called her a lot of @$#*%! names - outraged when Gere shifted gears a bit too fast
Gere lawyer: Many woman would pay to have Gere do stuff to them
Shilpa lawyer: Shilpa already had Dirk (Benedict). She doesn't need Gere to spice things up
Judge: Stop it, I pronounce both Gere and Shilpa guilty of making fools of themselves in public. Gere sentenced to three years of doing inane Bollywood films and an additional year for each kiss he steals from his leading ladies. Shilpa hereby banished to Hollywood for special classes in wardrobe malfunction (the Janet Jackson academy), being rich and crazy (the Paris Hilton school) and bald and beautiful (the Britney Spears institution)
Protester: But what of the truck drivers who witnessed the kisses? What of the mental trauma they had to undergo?
Judge: In addition, both Gere and Shilpa have to personally adopt each potential AIDS victim left unnoticed in the kissing brouhaha
Protester: Who cares about getting adopted? Each person present at the Sunday gathering (including me) should get a chance to kiss Shilpa, only then can justice be served
Spectators: Hear! Hear!

Update: A Jaipur court has ordered Gere's arrest saying his act of kissing Shilpa was an obscene act committed in public. Read more here

ALSO ON THIS BLOG
Exclusive coverage of Shilpa Shetty on Big Brother

And in case you are wondering what happened to the April Blog Mela, wait with bated breath for the next 24 hours.

Why u hate the Gere kissing Shilpa thingy?
	Am jealous of Richard Gere
	Am jealous of Shilpa Shetty
	Hate it? I loved it
	Coz it was a planned publicity stunt
	Who cares?
	Gere kissed Shilpa???
pollcode.com free polls

April Blog Mela deadline looms: Vote now

If you haven't yet nominated your favourite blog post for the April 2007 Blog Mela, Vote Now by posting a comment or mailing me at toeknee (at) gmail (dot) com

Details here

If you don't know how a blog mela works, visit the March 2007 Blog Mela

CNN-IBN bigger culprit than Narayana Murthy

Am surprised to see CNN-IBN television's coverage of Infosys founder Narayana Murthy apparently insulting the National Anthem. After all, the television channel insults the anthem every single day when it airs the CNN-IBN ad featuring Rajdeep Sardesai with Jana Gana Mana playing in the background.

Several people change the channel or put off their television sets each time the ad is aired. What do you think?

The CNN-IBN ad using the national anthem is -
	Offensive
	Okay
	Who cares?
	Can't say
pollcode.com free polls

Wanna be India's next president?

President A P J Abdul Kalam's term is getting over in July and he's not keen on a second stint. Who will succeed him?

The good news is if you are an Indian citizen and over 35, you could be a potential candidate. Of course, convincing the electoral college would be the tough part. But there's no harm in speculating.

There may be a few names doing the rounds but here's a tongue-in-cheek look at some candidates who I think will serve India well.

Vir Sanghvi
Suave talker and acclaimed journalist. Would play the perfect host to international dignitaries. They would provide enough fodder for Vir's popular columns in the Indian media. But bad news for the chefs at Rashtrapati Bhawan. Coz Vir would probably insist on doing his own cooking. Zucchinis and white wine, anyone?

Kiran Bedi
India hasn't had a woman president yet and Bedi as the trailblazing cop would set a good precedent. This Magsaysay Award winner isn't afraid to speak her mind and woe betide George Bush if he as much as utters 'weapons of mass destruction' during a state dinner. One problem though, will she be called Rashtrapatni?

Lalu Prasad Yadav
Our Railways Minister is no novice at political manipulations and could weasel his way into Raisina Hill. His annual Holi bash would be a cornucopia of colours with ambassadors (and Bush) honoured with seven-course bhang meals. Of course, parking would be a problem with all of Lalu's cows tethered on the grounds. Bonus: Lots of free cow dung to run the palace kitchen.

Mallika Sherawat
This Bollywood siren could make a beeline for the Rashtrapati Bhawan only in 2012 coz she's short of the age criterion by a few years. Wish that could be solved by fudging her birth certificate. Just imagine all the presidents and heads-of-state rushing to India for an audience with the bombshell. Bet Mallika would be busy signing bilateral agreements all day.

My driver '...inder'
This Sardarji dude has an opinion on everything under the sun. Ask me, I've been a silent sufferer for eight months. Bet he's already thought of a few changes he would implement once he's president. India's national animal - Tandoori chicken. And you won't need so many drivers for the Republic Day Parade. Coz gear-happy ...inder would be pleased to volunteer.

Who should be India's next president?
	Vir Sanghvi
	Kiran Bedi
	Lalu Prasad Yadav
	Mallika Sherawat
	Toe Knee's driver ...inder
	Someone else
pollcode.com free polls

Well, this is my nomination list. If you think any of these shouldn't be India's next president, it's your duty as a true patriot to bring it to my notice asap.

This made me laugh. For 5 minutes

Nice ad for a German job-hunting website
(Link via BoingBoing)

Don't be a Blogger Blooper

Well, it had to happen one day. Someone who would try to set rules for the blogging community. But I guess Tim O'Reilly's Blogging Code of Conduct has a long way to go before it's universally accepted. Which it will not be in a million years.

O'Reilly's Laws are limited in scope and can't stand for everyone. Expecting a blogger in Arkansas to think like his counterpart in Pondicherry is crazy. A guy blogging from Egypt or Saudi Arabia may not be able to express himself as freely as someone in India or the US.

The online community is increasingly becoming the symbol of democracy and its denizens won't accept a Hitler on the loose. You can't chain the blogosphere, no less the internet, and transform everyone into law-abiding online citizens.

Next, there will be calls to isolate and create a virtual prison for blog trolls. Or worse, a Censor Board to rate blog content.

If you comment on my blog, you have the right to remain anonymous. And no comments will be deleted unless you are a bit too abusive. After all, I retain control over my blog. Of course, making death threats is impolite but you can be sure I won't ask the cyber cops to trace your IP address.

P.S. Still can't believe O'Reilly actually created badges for blog content

And you call them kids?

In my time, harassing a teacher at school would involve mundane pranks like sticking condoms to the wall or some hyperactive kid simulating sex with the cupboard during a 'Truth or Dare' contest. Things have obviously moved on since then.

Somewhere in the UK, a teacher was writing something on the blackboard when a student crept up and pulled his pants down. Don't believe me? Watch this video footage

Earlier this week, a bunch of U.S. fifth-graders had sex in a classroom after keeping a classmate posted as lookout. And these are kids. Are you kidding?

In an unrelated report, India is apparently urging couples in Britain and other Western nations to adopt thousands of girls languishing in its orphanages. Angelina Jolie, are you listening?

Wanna read this blog in Cockney?

Use the Dialectizer

(Link via Neatorama)

Bikers at Barakhamba

It's 3 am on Easter Sunday. A dozen bikers have assembled at Delhi's Barakhamba Road and I watch fascinated as they put their stunts on display. One by one, the bikers zoom down the deserted street balancing their killer machines on one wheel rather than two.

One daredevil spins around, executing a bike pirouette of sorts with his face a few inches from the road and his arms flailing in the air. Another loses balance but regains control just as the bike ploughs into the median. The biker dismounts with no apparent sign of injury. Like most of his gang, he isn't wearing a helmet.

Half-an-hour later, the last of the bikers vrooms away into the dark. There are no traces of blood on the road, no wailing ambulance sirens and no policemen in sight. I assume it's been an uneventful night.